Baby got
by yiggersentia
Summary: A Transformers Movieverse tribute to an all-time Karaoke favorite... with a little twist. This is a one-shot that evolved. What's up with Ironhide? How does Optimus handle it when it gets out of hand? Rated M for suggestive content.
1. Chapter 1

Oh, my, god

Have pity. This was a truly pop-up storyline. Most spelling/grammar errors are intentional. Even if they aren't, I'll still say they are, just this once…

Disclaimer Firewall: I own nothing and I make no money off of any of it. B)

Enjoy

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"Hey Glen? Are you ready yet?"

"Yeah, Sam. Keep your pants on! I'm just hookin' up the speakers… there! Ready to go! You guys are gonna LOVE this! I have about 500 songs so far! This is a piece of America right here!"

"Uh, isn't Karaoke Japanese, or something?"

"SHHH! Sam! You're messing with his Chai here."

"Chi, Miles"

"Whatever."

"Ok, who's gonna be first?"

"I am! (Hic!)"

"Ironhide… are you feeling ok?"

"Leave me alone you weed-whacker. I feel (Hic!) great! Just changed my fuel filter. WHOOPS! Sorry, Bee. (Hic!) Lennox had one of these at the base and I wanted to try one! Just a minute, here… you HAVE to have this song… I hear it's not possible to have one of these and not have it… it's like Ratchet over there without his overgrown lawn equipment kit… hehehe (Hic!)… weed-whacker… (grumble)… THERE!"

"Uh, guys… is this a good idea to let him do this?"

"Do YOU want to be the one to tell him no?"

"Good point. …Oh, no! Tell me this is NOT what I think it is!"

"You are the MECH, 'Hide" YOU. ARE. THE. MECH!"

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her trunk.  
It is so big. scoff she looks like,  
One of Ironhide's girlfriends.  
But, y'know, who understands that Ironhide? scoff  
He only breaks with her, because,  
She looks like a total garbage truck, kay?  
I mean, her trunk, is just so big. scoff  
I can't believe it's just so shiny, it's like,

she waxes it or something! Gawd! It's like

out there, I mean - gross. Look!  
She's just so ... jacked!

(Ironhide)  
"I like big afts and I can not lie  
You Autobots can't deny  
That when a femme walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And her pinstripe in your face  
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough  
cause you notice that trunk was stuffed  
Deep in the pearl she's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring  
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha  
And test your hitch, ya!  
My bot-boys tried to warn me  
But with that fin you got makes me so horny  
Ooh, bumper-smooth-fin  
You say you wanna get in my benz?  
Well, use me, lube me  
cause you ain't that average groupie  
I've seen them waxin  
The hell with romancin'  
She's sweat, wet,  
Got it goin' like a turbo 'vette  
I'm tired of magazines  
Sayin' flat paints are the thing  
Take the average black van and ask him that  
She gotta pack much aft  
So, fellas! (yeah!) fellas! (yeah!)  
Has your femme-bot got the strut? (Hell yeah!)  
Tell em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)  
Shake them healthy struts!  
Baby got aft!

(LA paint with Oakland rims)  
Baby. Got. Aft!

2 ton towing capacity?

Only if she's runnin' on 16"rims! Ha-HA!

Ironhide  
I like em round, and big  
And when I'm throwin' a gig  
I just cant help myself, I'm revin' like an animal  
Now here's my handle  
I wanna' get you home  
And ugh, rev-it-up, ugh, ugh!  
I ain't talkin' bout Car Fancy  
cause silicone parts are made for toys  
So come on work that chassis  
Rub that leather supple  
Oh, Ironhides in trouble  
Beggin' for a piece of that aft  
So I'm lookin at rock videos  
Watchin' bimbos rollin' like back-hoes  
You can have them bimbos  
Ill keep my femmes like flo jo  
A word to the thick soul roadster, I just wanna go tow ya  
I wont flood or dent ya  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna jack  
Til the break of dawn  
Baby got it goin' on  
A lot of jeeps wont like this song  
cause them punks like to gunn it and quit it  
And I'd rather stay and play  
cause I'm long, and I'm strong  
And I'm down to get the tow chain on  
So, femmes! yeah! Femmes! yeah  
If you wanna role in my Mercedes yeah!  
Then turn around! Stick it out!  
Even cop cars got ta' shout  
Baby got aft!"

"Thank you. Thank you very much. (Hic!) I'll be out on the shooting range if you all want an encore."

"…did I just see what I thought I saw?"

"…and heard."

"…Ratchet, have you checked for…?"

"I'm several steps ahead of you, Sam. We're all clean."

"…"

"Then…"

"I have no idea…"

Hey, guys! Have you all seen Ironhide anywhere? I need to know where he stored the rest of the bottles of Liquid Heat. I was going to send a bottle with… what are all staring at anyway?"

"Uh… haven't seen him, Mikaela"

"Nope!"

"Not all day!"

"We have NO idea where he's at!"

"Uh, ok. Thanks anyway guys. Let him know I'm looking for him if you see him?"

"Sure thing!"

"We are SO gonna die if he remembers this."

"I didn't see anything, did you?"

"No way!"

"Nothings gone on ALL day!"

"Ok. Good."

"…"

"Who's up for Halo?"

"I'm in!"

"Yup!"

"Sounds good!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Ironhide

Have pity. This was a truly pop-up storyline that seems to want to grow. Most spelling/grammar errors are intentional. Even if they aren't, I'll still say they are, just this once… that noted, if you do see anything glaringly wrong, please let me know.

Also, just let me know what you think and if I should keep going with it or if I should just wrap it up and go on to the next one.

Disclaimer Firewall: I own nothing and I make no money off of any of it. B)

Enjoy

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Chapter 2

"Ironhide! Report!"

"Hey Prime. I think the military may be on to something here. These new missiles trigger on proximity, not (Hic!) impact. They just need to tighten up the distance a little to (Hic!) trigger to cut down on side damage. Without this little disk (Hic!) these are just really big bullets. And look! They fit perfectly in my launcher (Hic!)…"

"Ironhide, what's the matter with you?"

"I'm in my element here, Prime! If I could just process this bubble out of my energon tank so it would stop squeaking against my vocal processors, I'm be having a perfect day!(Hic!)"

"So you're not 'drunk'?"

"What? Why would you think I'd mix an alcoholic substance into my system?! Besides, I never would have been able to pull off that incredible display of Earth karaoke earlier if I wasn't in top form! I left them all in awe! (Hic! SCREECH!) Ouch! There we go! Much better. What a relief. Anyway, my only mistake was to go first. I highly doubt any of them would want to follow that act… What are you smiling for?"

"Right now Sam, Glen, Bumblebee and Ratchet are… wait, karaoke? Am I to understand that you stood on a stage and SANG?! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I have to download a copy of this! Hahaha…"

"Is there a reason you're laughing at me, because I was good! I might even… WHAT IS SO FUNNY?"

"I'm not laughing at you, Ironhide. Right now Sam, Glen, Bumblebee and Ratchet are running around the base frantically trying to find a product called 'Liquid Heat' thinking you ingested enough to intoxicate yourself."

"That's insane! An idiot could see I was perfectly sober…"

"More than likely they are assuming you will react poorly to having participated in such an event, not that your performance was inferior… but this does give me an idea. How would you like to play a little joke on them?

"I'm really liking the way you think, Optimus…"


End file.
